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i’ll tell you my resolution if you tell me yours

Happy holidays, friends! 

It’s almost resolution time. Yay. 


Why do we do this to ourselves year after year? 

Why do we make resolutions that are so hard to keep?

Why do we even make resolutions at all?


Seems we have an internal desire to do better, to be better. Seems the ringing in of the New Year is the perfect time to take stock of ourselves and our shortcomings and make a concrete plan to improve ourselves. Seems like a good idea, except concrete plans are so concrete, and rife with flaws and woefully mismanaged expectations. Maybe we can tweak the process. Just a little.  


A: it’s almost new years

A: resolution time

A: what u got this year?

L: oh, it’s a whole production

L: in our house

L: we take resolutions seriously

L: i mean, we don’t necessarily keep them

L: but we’re good at making them

L: each person in my fam does a major and a minor

L: and says them out loud

L: and then writes them down

A: i like it 

A: especially the minors 

A: the major ones are just too damn hard to keep

L: minor ones are genius

L: wasn’t my idea

L: but i love it

A: so, have u ever kept one?

A: a major one?

A: in all your 52 years?

A: cause that’s a long time

L: thanks for pointing out my age

L: and harping on it

L: bc i love when u do that

A: i know u do

A: it’s one my fave sports

L: and to answer your question

L: i don’t think i’ve ever fully & completely kept a big resolution

L: it’s hard 

L: especially when you choose something vast

L: and broad

L: and vast

L: like to have patience

A: why would u ever choose that?

A: patience? 

A: all the time?

A: that’s called setting yourself up to fail

L: agreed

L: but i like to think about the majors a lot

L: even if i end up keeping them just a little

L: for me it’s better to be more specific

L: like to be patient when i’m driving

L: behind a really slow driver

L: even if i’m in a rush

L: instead of patience in general

L: truth is

L: i can usually keep a resolution until jan 15

L: or maybe jan 3

L: or maybe jan 1 at 5pm


Appears we tend to make resolutions about things that are hard to do, changes that are hard to make. We choose lofty goals. We like thinking about some idealistic version of ourselves. We’re taught to dream big. So we do. 


While trying to get our heads around this concept, we went ahead and looked up the definition of resolution and it brought us a little clarity. If we go with Merriam-Webster’s definition, it’s a firm decision to do or not to do something, which somehow already feels unattainable. But if we switch to Wikipedia’s definition, a formal expression of intention, it suddenly feels within reach. 


So, we’re switching. 

Just like that.

To an expression of intention.

Thanks to the flexibility of the world wide web. 


It’s not lack of willpower.

It’s not overthinking about our overwhelming resolutions day after day after day for an entire year.

It’s not sheer boredom or lack of focus (ok, maybe it’s a little of this).

It’s not that we don’t want to do better.

It’s not that we don’t want to be better. 

It’s not that we can’t change.

It’s not that we won’t change. 


Wait. Just. One. Second. 

What if the real magic of a resolution is in the making of it, not the keeping of it?


What if it’s really about the moment when we pause and ponder and reflect?

When we sift through our options for self betterment.

And write them down.

And recognize that success doesn’t have to be black or white, win or lose.

That some growth is still a victory.

That it’s not all or nothing.


What if it’s just all that?


_______________________________________

epilogue

A: i’ll tell u my resolution if u tell me yours

A: let’s do minors

A: for obvi reasons

L: obvi

A: i’m going to pause every morning

A: when i walk outside for the first time each day

A: and spend 3 seconds looking up

A: and don’t ask me what i’ll be looking for

A: bc it’ll be something nearly impossible to find

A: like presence

A: or peace 

A: or better yet

A: world peace

L: but I know what you’ll really be doing

L: when you go outside

L: and look up

L: you’ll really just be looking for those baby birds

L: in the nest in your tree

L: bc i know you miss them

L: and I was going to go with something much more deep 

L: like i’m not going to pick off my nail polish anymore

L: because now that we’ve discovered it’s really about the making

L: i’m relieved

A: me too

L: ‘they’ couldn’t have told us about this sooner?

A: just imagine how your first 52 years could have looked?

A: with this new revelation

L: just imagine




#resolutiontime #dobetterbebetter #woefullymismanagedexpectations #majorandminor #pauseeverymorning #babybirds #nailpolishpicking #itsnothekeeping #itsthemaking

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